Grief & Celebration

mistyToday marks one year since the death of a dear, dear friend. Misty is often on my mind, but this week it became that much more real. She really is gone and she really isn’t coming back.

On one hand, I know that she is in a better place. She is dancing with Jesus; her smile is illuminating the halls of heaven; she is at peace – a peace she wasn’t able to find here on Earth, a peace she believed she never would.

On the other hand, despite knowing that she is in a better place, there are many days I still believe that I need her – and so do SO many other people, especially her family. It’s when my thoughts take this path that I begin to question, wonder, and sometimes I can’t help but get angry. At whom – I’m not entirely sure; maybe at Misty, maybe at God, maybe at every single person who ever hurt her, maybe at myself because I could have done more… or maybe I simply get angry because she isn’t here.

Today has been one of those wondering days. But tonight I am choosing to celebrate her memory instead of focusing on her absence. Tonight I celebrate that God brought Misty into my life at the perfect time, all of those years ago. Tonight I celebrate the seemingly unending wisdom she possessed that she shared so generously. Tonight I celebrate her contagious smile that touched the hearts of everyone she met. Tonight I celebrate the support she was able to offer me on my journey to recovery. Tonight I celebrate all of the many lives that she changed. Tonight I celebrate the angel that Misty has always been.

Misty has left a legacy of love; I pray for her son & daughter every day – that they would always remember the immeasurable, unlimited, and unconditional love she had for them.

So, tonight, through tears – I sit and smile knowing that Misty is in the arms of her heavenly father. And I am here on Earth, left with much – but able to focus on what she taught me and showed me with the way that she lived her life.

If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts or ideation, please seek help. Someone is available at the numbers below 24/7.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:
1-800-273-TALK (8255)

National Hopeline Network:
1-800-SUICIDE (7842433)

4 thoughts on “Grief & Celebration

  1. Natalie,
    I reread this beautifully written regarding Misty. I never tire of thinking of her, feeling the same thoughts and coming to the same conclusion. It doesn’t seem to get easier as the length of her absence adds to the fact that yes, this reality hurts. Our love grows and grows and as we hear from you and those whose life she enhanced it makes us so proud that God gave us this remarkable person to nurture if just for a short while.
    Thank you so much, Natalie. We love you and we love your heart as Misty did so.

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      • Your beautifully written analogy of today, as hard as it is is just what I had been feeling all weekend. On this one year anniversary of Misty’s passing, it has become real, her being gone with no earthly return. We have had mixed feelings as you and yes, we would have her back in a second. Knowing Misty, that the love she is giving and sharing and experiencing through Our Lord Jesus Christ, we would not have her give that up. We miss her every moment of every day and seeing Kenny now on a mission trip to India, we see her mom’s child giving and not expecting to receive, loving with no strings attached and reaching out to many with open arms. That is an answer to prayer. We pray for Jonah in his own walk and that God come alongside them both as He did with you.

        You were a dear friend to Misty and your family is so special. We thank you all for remembering her as you do. That is her legacy. A gift that keeps giving from a Lord Who never gives up on us.

        Thank you so much, Natalie. Love you.

        Karen Cavan

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