I am [finally] starting to feel more like myself these days. I’m so blessed by my family and friends that stand by me on my good days and my bad days. I have so much to look forward to and SO much to be thankful for.
I am especially feeling humbled and amazed today that despite all of my flaws and failures, Jesus still loves me.
Amazing Grace, indeed.
Words cannot even begin to describe how important my horse is in my life, and how much she helps me every day. She always waits for me with her head over her gate. She neighs when she sees me… she loves me.
She truly is graceful; she is beautiful. She has so much spirit, she helps me find mine.
Freedom – such a powerful word. It’s been a key word in my recovery too, it is what I strive for. Freedom from my eating disorder, freedom from depression, freedom from self-hatred; freedom found only in Christ. I feel this freedom every time I’m on the back of my gentle little mare. It’s a feeling like no other; like the world is ours to conquer.
Whatever makes you feel free, cherish it. Whether it is on the back of a horse, behind the wheel, running or writing… never give it up.
Be free. ✌
Trust is a significant word, and sometimes it is said and given too easily. For people and animals who have been through traumatic situations, trust takes on a whole new importance. As I have begun to gain my horse’s, Scooby’s, trust, I am reminded of my own journey to trust. Circumstances continuously hardened my heart until I was a young woman closed off to the world. It has taken many years and a couple of very special people to help me begin to recognize that there are good people in the world, and there is hope. As I am working towards fully trusting those that love me, I am able to recognize the huge leaps forward that Scooby is making.
Join-up is an exercise that I have done with all of my horses, and its purpose is to establish a relationship & bond between horse and rider. This is where the rider lunges her/his horse until the horse begins to show signs of submission. (I use the word “submission” with hesitation because it isn’t meant to be a master-slave relationship, but more of a partnership consisting of mutual respect.) These signs include lowering of the head and licking lips, pictured to the left. This isn’t something that happens overnight and it’s an exercise that needs to be repeated over and over.
Scooby is now “going to school” for about a month, and I am trusting those working with her to help her learn to trust & respect people. Although I wish I could still see her every day, I know she is in very good hands – and I am excited to see her progress over the next several days.
Trust is a factor in every person’s life; whether it is trusting your significant other to remain loyal, trusting your best friend to keep your secrets, or even trusting the person driving the bus you take to work in the morning.
Trust is fragile; it can take seconds to break and years to repair.
Be honest. Be True. Be the Real You.
I recently became a horse owner again, an unexpected and wonderful blessing. I could not be happier about it, but there is something about longing for an event, person, place or thing for so long (I had been without a horse for about 2 1/2 years) and then finally getting it; we often forget that most of these things come with their own unique challenges, difficulties or conflicts. While dreaming about barrel racing again – I had seemingly forgot about all of the hard work it will take to get my horse ready to race.
My horse, Scooby, has already found her way into my heart. She is the sweetest little girl with a big heart and a fun personality. Scooby has had an interesting life though – for the majority of her 9 years she has been running free with no authority of any kind. She has the mindset of a youngster, even though she isn’t. While riding the other day I just kept asking her and hoping that she would just stop worrying, trust me – and give me the reins instead of fighting me. I love her, and want nothing but the best for her – but I know that there are going to be lots of baby steps to take before we really go places.
I tend to pray while I ride – it’s where I am most at peace. I guess I was just asking for a little guidance for both myself & Scooby. But I usually feel guilty after I pray because I don’t do it often, and it seems I only do pray when I am asking for something… something that I want. I have tried so hard to convince myself that my life is going how God wants it to – this would mean that I both have control and at the same time I am allowing God’s will to be done.
After my session with Scooby was over I got off and was grooming her when I got to thinking… Scooby & I are alike in many ways.
I believe in a God who has loved me even before I was a twinkle in my momma’s eye; a God who longs for me to just stop worrying, trust Him – and give Him the reins instead of fighting Him. He loves me and wants nothing but the best for me.
How ironic is it that I’m asking this beautiful creature who has known me for only a short time to trust me with her life, when I can’t even release control of my own life to the One who created me? Quite ironic I think.
As I go back to the basics with Scooby so that we can work our way towards a fully trusting relationship, I’m also going to go back to the basics with Jesus so that I can work towards a complete relationship with Him.
Jesus Take the Reins