Quarantine & Recovery

A couple of weeks into this quarantine, and to be honest – I am struggling. Initially my introvert heart was very content having a valid excuse to go NO WHERE except to the barn and back… but the days are getting long. I’m finding myself desperately wanting to revert back to coping mechanisms that are extremely ineffective, and struggling to find motivation to use healthy ones. I am also realizing that the lack of alone time is wearing on me. I love my husband and I truly am loving the opportunity to spend so much time together; 24/7 though, it’s hard.

All of this to say that I’ve been thinking a lot about recovery and what it looks like during this pandemic. A few things I’ve been trying to remind myself…

  • It’s okay to not be okay.
  • This too will pass.
  • Constant productivity is not necessary.
  • I am still worthy of recovery.
  • Recovery still needs to be a priority.
  • O N E  D A Y  A T  A  T I M E

Be well, take care of YOU, and please give yourself some grace.


Hope Sunrise

At 2:15 am on Tuesday, March 31st, 2020 – our sweet filly Hope Sunrise was born. Her arrival was highly anticipated, and has been so meaningful to so many, especially to me and my wonderful husband. This is the short story of how Hope was given her name, and happens to include a pretty personal part of my own journey. I’ve been wanting to share for months now, but the time just hasn’t felt right. Today, with all that is going on in our world, now feels like the right time.

Hope’s name was decided during a time when we were desperate for hope; grasping for something, anything to hold on to. It was a time when Ryan and I were thousands of miles apart, and I was fighting for my life…

Last Fall I spent nearly 3 months in North Carolina in treatment for Bulimia and co-occurring disorders. Having barely been married a year, this shook Ryan’s and my relationship, and our lives, to the core. My struggles were not new, I’d struggled with an eating disorder since I was 14 years old, and spent time in treatment during my senior year of high school. However, I never anticipated relapsing so severely, and I certainly had never envisioned leaving everything behind at 26 years old to travel thousands of miles to go to rehab. It was during this time, though, that my life truly changed. I was able to be fully honest with my team and my husband. And after so many years, I was finally able to begin the journey toward healing and truly figuring out how to love myself. Especially during the early days though, I really needed to focus on something to get me through. That something became my future baby horse, who would arrive within a few months of my return home. It was then that our sweet baby had their name decided – Hope Sunrise. This baby would exemplify the fact that even in the hardest of times there is hope, and no matter how dark the night, the sun would always rise.

Lo and behold, here we are on April 2nd, 2020. Hope’s arrival into this world now not only holds a meaning of hope for us, but for the world. We as one humanity face unprecedented times, and she shows us how pure goodness can still exist within the chaos.

Long story short, Hope is here, in every sense of the word.

Don’t give up, be here tomorrow. The sun will still rise.